Being SDU - No money no honey

Its been a long long time since I updated the Being SDU series, so you guys are in for a treat!

Found this clip off the net and I find it absolutely SDU-ish.

Enough talk for now! I shall let the video do the talking for me instead.



Ok, I know that not all women are like that. But those who are not like that are most probably either already taken or just CMI.

What? I got standards to meet hor!

Although this is the Being (S)ingle, (D)esperate, (U)nwanted series, I know where I stand.

Being single doesn't mean that I'll just settle down with any plain jane. In fact, I don't mind waiting until someone with good looking genes comes along.

Call it... sparing a thought for my future generation.

Lets hope theres some good looking babes at X06 tomorrow...

Being SDU - 2 New Theories

I was reading HER blog (as usual) and in one of her latest entry, she wrote about a gay couple she saw the other day.

To her, it felt so wrong, and was wondering what has happened to all the single girls around.

She then started to advertise for herself and her group of single, pretty and eligible girlfriends, saying that they belong to the better catergory.

What confidence!

So my question is, why are they still single if they are in the high end catergory?

I shall quote a line said by one of my friends, said when we were discussing about my singlehood as always.

"In some part of the world, there is also a group of girls discussing about the same topic. Where are the single eligible males?!"

I have two theories to this, the first one is that everyone is playing the waiting game.

This is the mentality of most Singaporeans, myself included.

The girls are waiting for the good guys to pick them up, while the good guys are waiting to see if there are any competition before they go for the pick up.

No wonder the singles who want to get attached are still single.

Note that there are a minority who just throws caution to the wind and go for the kill, no matter what the outcome.

I'm not like that. I belong in the majority.

My other theory is that single Singaporeans are very wary of those single, pretty and eligible women.

If those girls are that pretty and eligible as they claimed, how come they are still not attached?

Aren't these types of girls 抢手货?

There must be something wrong somewhere!

Out to leech the rich dry? Or just not interested in getting hitched? If they are not interested, why do they advertise themselves?

Lets hear some views.

Being SDU - Being George

Its been awhile since I updated the SDU series because after the last SDU post, I do not have any inspiration nor material to create a post about it.

But now I do! And here we are!

I was having a conversation with brudda Foxtrot One vis MSN and he brings up my singlehood status (Not again!) and how he sees my problem after reading the SDU Series.

A few methods here, a few philosophies there.

Currently, I think I have read enough help books/websites and heard countless advice from my peers on how to get women.

But no harm hearing another one right?

He was telling me a few methods, Saying that methods recommended by my peers would not work even though it worked for them, mainly because my peers are my peers. I is I. Or is it me is me? Or myself is myself? Bah, you get the picture.

Come to think of it, some of his methods I have already read about in those self help books and http://www.askmen.com

For a clearer picture, read all about it here.

Since I am no stranger to the advice given as I have read about it already, why am I still single?

I myself don't have an answer to that one.

Or maybe I was applying the advice wrongly?

Somepart during the MSN conversation, it hits me like a shock.

I suddenly feel like George from the comedy Seinfeld.

While Jerry, Kramer and Elaine make up all my peers, giving advice.

And in Season 3 episode 17 - The Fix-up, he comes to this conclusion that he no longer hope about getting attached because it is killing him.

He aims to become hopeless.

"When you are hopeless you don't care, when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive."

I feel like I'm in that episode's state right now. Very uncannily similar, because currently, I don't care about being single already.

Am I beyond that path already?

Brudda Foxtrot One said that I can use this bochupness to my advantage.

Bah, only time will tell.

Like I said, I can't be bothered anymore. This SDU series was created not because I want to complain about my singlehood anyway.

Being SDU - Breaking through the comfort zone

I used to be able to laugh it off easily when people say,"You still single? But you are not ugly what."

These words can come from practically anybody, be it the hairdresser at the salon, long-time-no-see friends, my neighbours or even my relatives.

As time goes by, instead of laughing, I just give a smile instead. I've also learnt to come up with pre-prepared answers for any Q&A segments regarding my bacherlorhood.

Think of it as a script. I will reply these set of words given what the opposite party says. Since there isn't much they can actually ask, I get the last say most of the time.

Good friends will sometimes try to play matchmaker or ask me why don't I consider so and so since she is still single yada yada.

I appreciate the help. Really. But after encountering much setbacks, I don't think I'm financially or emotionally ready to share my life with another human being just yet.

According to Stefan Lim,

The greatest challenge of converting an acquaintance to a life-long partner lies in the journey to become part of his or her life. Every individual would have been part of a circle of friends and comfortably leading life in his/her comfort zone. It does not only take desire, but genuine action and effort to gain the trust and acceptance that you can be part of his or life. It is about touching the heart of the person you love; it is about creating emotional dependence between 2 individuals; it is about shifting mental models; it is about taking somebody out of his or her comfort zone of existing friendships to lead a new life with you; it is about making him or her feel comfortable communicating with you; it is about giving hope to each other.

Read all about it here.

As I grow older, going to Chinese New Year gatherings becomes a drag. I can practically see the dissapointed look on my grandma's face when I turn up with my family members instead of a female stranger.

Ranking my cousins in my family, the older ones are all married and my turn is somewhat coming soon. Each year when I receive a red packet from my relatives, they will ask the same old question.

"Eh come alone again ah? Why no girlfriend?"

At least if I'm employed, I can always give the excuse that I'm concentrating on my career first. Imagine if I am unemployed long after I graduate. There is no chance in hell you will see me going visiting my relatives again.

I don't need your ten dollars! How long can it last me? Ten lousy bucks doesn't entitle you to humiliate me in front of the rest of the family loh! Apart from being unemployed, I know I'm still very much lonely, single and unsuccessful thank you very much! I don't need you to remind me of my pathetic state.

I rather be at home watching re-runs of Seinfeld or Friends.

Being SDU - Get a life

I still recall the 5 week tuition I had during my Secondary school days. Things like this don't get forgotten very easily, when you practically lead a monotonous lifestyle during your early teens.

The only enjoyment I had was on Saturdays, when I was given the licence to not study. While other kids grew up with piano, ballet and violin lessons, I grew up playing the arcade.

Every Saturday would be either spent in Hougang SuperFunworld or AMK Funland. I learnt how to fully utilise my allowance and maximise my time spent. I learnt how to play those long games from stratch. In those times, one credit can let me play for a minimum of half an hour. The longest game I played with one credit was 1.5 hours.

Sometimes, Saturdays weren't enough. I remember me and some of my classmates used to bring a spare t-shirt to school every Friday just in case we wanted to go to you know where.

I was so hooked that me and a few friends of mine even formed a team and competed competitively.

Initial D? Nah.

Daytona. Give me a Daytona machine and I can still show you my skills. Its like cycling. Once you know, its hard to forget. It was drilled into me already.

Ok, I'm digressing.

When I was 16, mIRC was still very popular. Outings were organized and I would meet up with some or all of them. We would laze the afternoon at Ray Wilson Starbucks and pop over to Cineleisure and spend the rest of the day at the arcade.

I have no idea how much I've spent on the arcade already. I shudder to even think about it.

Sometimes, the meetups will be at Potblack, behind Forum the shopping mall. That was when I was first introduced to pool. I tried the game and I loved it. I also upgraded to playing snooker, the Ah Beng sport.

When I entered Polytechnic, when I'm not studying, all I ever did was either go to the arcade or play pool. I didn't socialise much. Although there were a few single babes in my class, I didn't do anything. The ratio was 2 girls to 1 guy. And there were only 5 guys in my class. And one by one my classmates' status changed from single to attached. Except me. I was still learning how to be at ease with the other species.

One day, my classmate said something to me jokingly but I still remember what he said word for word.

The conversation went something like this.

"Monk, how you going to spend your weekend? Going out ah?"

"Yah, going to meet some of my online friends tommorrow. Got outing."

"Outing?! Sial lah monk, if life was for sale ah, go and buy one! Haha!"

The other guys started laughing, either at that line or at me. It wasn't funny being given a low blow but I just laughed along.

To add insult to misery, Dido came up with a CD album at around that time too.

Life for rent.

But after so long, and thinking back about it, its all very funny actually.

How do you define having a life?

Having the company of women or always going out with groups of friends?

I had very few female friends during that point of time. I also had no luck in women in Polytechnic.

Does having going out on "outings" and playing arcade games & pool alone equate to having no life?

Its still a life ok... just that its a lonely life.

Till now, I'm still pretty much the same. Old habits die hard. Really.

I got so used to going to the arcade that I would step in everytime I walked passed one. Even now. If I had to wait for a friend and I'm alone, I would go over to the nearest arcade and ask my friend to find me there.

Sometimes when I am alone I would also go play pool at the challenger table.

Or walk around town alone, window shopping and watching the world go by.

Maybe this behaviour contributes as one of the reasons on why I am still single.

I wonder how long will this go on, although things have been picking up recently.

Because of getting onto a bad/wrong start in my early teens, I need to do alot of changes and amendments on my part.

I'm still not there yet.

Being SDU - Wheels

"Get a car, and the girls will come flocking to you like bees to honey" my army friend was telling me the secret to get attached while eating snake one day.

His logic that girls are only attracted to the guys with wheels because they get to travel for free and need not joust around with sweating bodies and screaming kids for seating space by taking public transport.

By now you may think that I am rewriting Janice Wong's "Want a girlfriend? Get a nice car" article. Let me emphasise. This is NOT a rewrite. Think of it as an... add-on.

With that, lets continue.

Women are materialistic. Ok, not all of them.

But the point is, if they are single, they will prefer a man with wheels than one without.

Why? Refer to sentence two for that matter.

If you don't have a car, don't expect a fair courting chance.

Ok, so you have a car, but its a Nissan Sunny.

Sure she may consider letting you drive her around, when all the Mercedez and BMWs drivers aren't available.

Even I agree with Janice Wong that a man with an expensive car is more socially desirable.

Everyone wants to sit in a more expensive car.

Think Mercerdez Cab vs. Toyota Cab. Which would you prefer?

To further enforce that view, I asked starrfish, a female friend of mine on her take on this subject.

She too said that men with wheels are a convenience. It also shows that they are rich and successful.

She added that women dating men with expensive cars is for the sake of being glamourous. If the she is spotted by her friends hanging out with a guy with an expensive car, they will start to get envious or jealous or both and the visious cycle begins.

Comparing.

But being the realistic girl she was, she knows that maintaining a car ain't cheap. The owners may look suave and all that but at the end of the day, they still need to pay road tax, petrol (erratic rates), parking, etc etc.

She concluded that her man need not own a stylo milo shiny car. A cheap or second hand car will do, for convenience sake. To be able to ferry around old folks is good enough. How heart warming.

As an ending note, I shall quote Janice Wong quoting talk-host Oprah Winfrey in her "Want a girlfriend? Get a nice car" article.

Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who'll take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Being SDU - Dating disasters

Where you bring your date and what you do during the date says alot.

I've concluded this statement after evaluating the number of (blind) dates I've been to in my entire 23 years on this planet.

I can practically imagine every date of mine calling up their girl friends after the meeting and all of them saying the same thing.

"I'm striking him off my list"

Words are free, thus talk is cheap but the fact was me being unwanted at that point of time.

Let me relate to you about some of the the dates I've been to, and all the boo hoos that happened. Maybe after reading through them you will agree with my opening statement.

Note: The names of my dates have been changed to protect their identity.

Blind Date 1
mIRC and meetups was the in thing then. I've made alot of cyber friends and even chose to meetup with some of them. Different channels different friends. I can practically see my social circle expanding.

In one particular channel, I came to know of this girl called Jaime. I found out that she lives pretty close to me. Being a hot blooded teen and all, I asked if she wanted to meetup.

She agreed.

I was 16. Still a pimply kid with hideous looks after my O levels. I agreed to meet her at Serangoon Interchange. When I saw her she wasn't that bad looking. We agreed to go over to Plaza Singapura for lunch.

We took a bus there.

As for lunch, we settled for Long John Silvers.

We talked about common stuff like school, our plans after receiving our O level results and about the people in the channel we frequent.

I came to notice that halfway through, she was talking to me with her eyes looking at another direction.

I did not noticed it earlier.

Was she cocked eye? I don't think so.

I asked her and she replied that she has always been like that.

Ok, no biggie.

When we started to run out of topics to talk about, I suggested going to catch a movie.

At least after the movie we can always discuss about it when topics run dry. That was what I learnt according to the Singaporean Dating Guide.

She declined politely and said that she had something on later. She had to meet another friend of hers.

"Another date?" I thought to myself but did not pursue the matter.

After she left to meet her friend, I was all alone. Bah. I went to the arcade to play afew games before going home.

After that, I only saw her in channel group outings.

The last I've heard, shes married now. That I only found out when she added me in friendster.

Blind Date 2
I was 17. Knew another girl from mIRC called Emily. I never seen her before but we chatted very well and even upgraded to chatting on the phone. During that period, my cousin in NUS had a play going on and ask me if I wanted to go.

Hmmm. I can ask Emily along.

I did and she agreed. I paid for her share of the ticket and agreed to meet her at Somerset MRT control station on the day of the play.

Bad choice. The amount of commuters at that station is overwhelming. I had to voicemail her a few times before we finally met at the telephone booth. Sheesh.

Had Yoshinoya for dinner before we made our way to Kallang theatre. (I think)

I never expected that my cousin also asked some of my other relatives to support. When they saw me, they thought that Emily was my girlfriend. I explained to them that Emily was just a friend. They didn't seem convinced.

Emily was so embarrassed I can tell.

I offered to send her home after the play but she declined the offer. She also repaid me for the ticket which I paid for her. Voicemailed me after she got home saying she enjoyed my company and that we should meet up again soon.

Like the first one, I only saw her at group channel outings.

Pretty soon, she was attached to another chatter. Same age as me but with more seh. Oh well, what wasn't meant to be wasn't meant to be. Like what Janice Wong said in her SPG book, "I believe that you are born with social skills; you can't have charisma drilled into you."

I believe that they are still together at this point of time.

Date 3
I was 18. Just entered Polytechnic. It was my buddy's girlfriend's birthday chalet. I was introduced to the birthday girl's friends. Some were single. I was able to converse with them without feeling quite shy. One of them was younger than me by a year. We exchanged numbers, we talked. Her name? Kym.

One day Kym asked me out to teach her E Maths. Her Os was coming and she needed help. Ok no problem, I was quite free at that time. I met her about two times and taught her all she wanted to know before she sat her paper.

She did not contact me after that. I heard from my buddy that she got attached to another guy whom she got to know at the previous birthday chalet. Bleahz. Felt like crap. Kena make used of.

I lost contact with Kym until she found me on friendster recently. She asked for a meetup at Bishan Junction 8.

I agreed.

We appeared to be like strangers instead of long lost friends. After that day, we never met up again.

Blind Date 4
I was 21. Serving the army. My friend jioed me go KTV as he is bringing someone. He scared he is unable to entertain her as he has quite alot of friends who frequent the place so he roped me in to help.

I was introduced to Jean. My friend passed me quite abit of cash beforehand and asked me to help him foot the bill in case he got too drunk. I just need to come out about 30 and the bill should be settled. Initially we were chatting happily as a group. Later in the night when his friends came, I was left with the job of entertaining her.

Well, he ordered an overdose of beer and sometime during the night, he don't know disappeared to where. The money he gave me was not enough to foot the bill. I only brought limited cash, and they did not accept NETS. Heck, my account didn't even have enough money then! I had no choice but to turn to Jean to ask if she could contribute her share.

Damn paiseh sial.

I offered to send her home via cab. I paid of course.

But I never saw her again.

Blind Date 5
I was 22. My buddy changed his girlfriend. And this time his girlfriend wanted to introduce her classmate to me. She said both of us potato kids should be very compatible. She agreed to bring her out one day so that we all can double date.

Her classmate? Nancy.

During the double date, Colin's girlfriend kept singing my praises. Colin also contributed abit. I guess she really wanted us to work out. By the end of the date, we exchanged numbers and Nancy asked me to call her.

Call her I did. And our first date alone together was at Junction 8 Yoshinoya. We built on the topics we talked about through the phone conversations. She was so at ease to be with. With a hot body to boot. I seriously thought that she was the one.

After dinner I suggested going for coffee. Since Coffeebean was closed for renovation. I brought her to the kopitiam above the interchange. Yea, that run down warm kopitiam. She didn't mind mah.

We kept the conversations alive until her parents came to fetch her. I was about to ask her out again the following week but over the weekend, she messaged me saying that she just got attached and asked me if we could still be friends.

Wah lauz. Everything crumbled before me, just when I thought things were going smoothly. Why so suay one?

But I did reply her saying that we could still be friends. But I guess that that was just for show only.

I havent spoken to her or seen her since.

* * * * *

There. My dating boo hoos. After thinking back about my past dates, I felt that I should really be striked off their list. What do you think?

What I did wasn't... appealing enough for them. It wasn't what they wanted.

All that crap from my female friends that I should just be myself is bullshit.

For all the dates I've been to, I was being myself. And what happened?

Being unwanted due to being myself is just not going to make it happen.

Rambo Tan shares my views about the "being yourself" advice in this article.

Read it. Its good stuff.

For any future dates I'm going to, I'm going to put on my sheep's clothing.

Its time to be a big bad wolf.